Human Rights Online Philippines

The Women of my Life

Nearly a decade ago, the Star Malaysia published my article on Mother’s day. As I’ve stated then:

My personal life is a bit complicated, coming as I do from two different social classes. My father is a bit well to do, by virtue of him coming from the bourgeois class, while my mother came from the proletarian class. I deem myself a mixed product of heaven and hell, so to speak! Though, I love my father, I love my mother more. Why? Because she taught me all the laws of life and the mysteries of existence from a very young age.

I believe that what she transmitted and bequeathed to me is far more superior and undeniably more substantive tan all things money can buy.

Material things come and go, but virtue, responsibility, character and wisdom can never be bought, and no one can ever take these away from you.

My dearest mother taught me to value more those things that cannot be equated with financial means nor reduced to economic terms, such as bonding with friends, spending time with the family, the teaching profession, the beauty and majesty of love, the genuineness of friendship, love of life and the courage to stand for something which we believe is true, just and beautiful, and the necessary willingness to die, if so required, fighting for those human and noble causes!

And above all, I sincerely love my mother for teaching me to always do the right things at the right time for the right cause, even to the point of death!

Being a complex creature of both mind and habits, nay an obsessive-compulsive type, I do have some hard time dealing with the opposite sex by reason of my being an intellectualist. More often than not, I kept my distance from the “average women”. Looking back, I’ve realized that this is a bit unreasonable on my part, but still, I cannot entirely blame myself for this standard that I am following, because it is my mother herself who set it up for me and it is a criterion I myself consciously adopted.

I am thankful that there are some women who dared and gambled on me and I would like to thank them for all the love and the memories that we’ve shared, albeit fleetingly and momentarily.

When I realized that perhaps I cannot find the one for me, I’ve decided to just live my life the way I used to, in my own terms, in my own way.

So, a typical day would be like this: morning as a “Professor” I will deliver my lectures and lead the class discussion in whichever university or colleges I am teaching. Then, in the afternoon, I will discharge my function as a social activists and as a revolutionary, either by attending various rallies and demonstrations, writing my pieces and essays, conducting and/or participating in teach-in and dialogues, debating with the comrades or our class enemies, etc. then in the evening, after a long day, I’ll be a poet and a bloody drunkard, drinking myself to death with my friends and love ones until kingdom end.

The following day, I simply follow that schedule and habit – again. I thought that that would be my life till the day I die. Then suddenly, in one school I am teaching at, I saw a ray of hope, because I saw her.

It’s amazing, but it’s true. The very moment I laid my eyes to my dear One, I knew already that she is the one.

Unlike the others, she is a fighter like me, unconventional, radical and a brave heart. Despite the fact that we are student and teacher, our age gap and the differences of our socio-economic background, she stood up, stick it out and fought furiously with me, for us.

Our victory did not comes easy. There were times that her parents doesn’t accept us and my bourgeois father is against her. But nonetheless, we stood still and kept the faith and continued the struggle.

Four years ago, we lost our second child, our baby boy by stillbirth. It was beyond doubt that this is the darkest period of our lives, but as always she’s always there for me. Hence, I did not lost my way, gone astray or fall back to the “dark side.” Her love, light and care is my bedrock, my light and guide to always remain faithful to my/our moral compass.

On the occasion of this Special Day (well, I believe that every day is a good day!), I would like to thank my Mother for giving me both the power and the energy, while I’ll always be grateful to you, my dear One for guiding and teaching me somehow in harmonizing those internal elements for purposes of balancing the Force!

Finally, to paraphrase Papa Shrek’s words to Mama Fiona:

You know, I always thought I’d rescued you from the Dragon’s Keep. I am dead wrong, it was you who rescued me from my dragons within!!!

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